


On a Clear Day I can't See my Sister

by Pilarcraft



Category: The Simpsons
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Blackmail, Bullying, Detention, Drinking, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family Therapy, Gen, Heartbreak, Manipulation, Mind Games, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-06 18:58:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6765907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pilarcraft/pseuds/Pilarcraft
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU on the episode with the same name. to put it short 'What if The Simpsons had any sort of Continuity'. [Always on Complete]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"you're giving me a restraining order?" hissed Bart, "are you _nuts_?"

Lisa smirked back, "you were right. Mom and dad are figureheads without any authority, _but_ the police aren't." she shrugged, "you don't get closer to me that twenty feet, and we'll have no problems"

He, after spending a night in police dungeons, knew better than to argue, "alright. as you wish" he said, before leaving the room, not missing Lisa's mischievous chuckle.

* * *

Over the next week, Bart's life got worse day after day.

On Sunday morning, Homer had this _brilliant_ idea of creating a pole so Lisa could enforce the order, and had this even better idea of putting a screwdriver on the end of it, which meant Lisa could poke him, an advantage she didn't shy to abuse, which meant Bart's arm was maimed by the Monday.

On Monday, Skinner called Bart to his office, explaining he couldn't remain in school grounds, and in order not to miss any education, he had to go to 'the place out of the laws of god and man', Willie's shack.  
which was full of manure, smelled like a pig hole, and reeked. Not to mention willie's knowledge about math was inferior even to Bart.

On Tuesday, Bart had to eat lunch outside, while it rained, and even the bullies weren't outside to keep him company.

On Wednesday, Lisa deliberately poked Bart out of the graphic novels section in the library to the gay interests' section, which meant the bullies (Who were just looking for a reason to make fun of him, for there was no other reason for them to be in a library) call "hey, Bart's coming outta the closet!" with half the library laughing at him.

On Thursday, on Bart's check-up with Dr. Hibbert, he found out his arm's nerve system had been damaged, and fixing it was a cost homer was not going to pay ("your problem boy, I'm not paying for it!")

But the worst came six days after it all started, on a Friday night.

* * *

"BART!" _poke,_ "pass me the salt!" said Lisa with a straight face, even though the salt shaker was next to her plate. "Pick it up yourself" said Bart, not looking up.

He couldn't even _eat_ at the table, watching TV as he ate a plate of cold meatloaf, and he was, once again seeing the extent of family support when it came to him.

Homer was laughing his ass off, and Marge did nothing more that grumble at the scene they were making.

Truly and utterly useless, the lot of them.

 _POKE_ , "Bart!" he growled, "what do you _want,_ Simpson?" venomously, his mind full of bloody scenarios of what he was going to do to Lisa if he could get the chance. Lisa replied sweetly, "what, can't I talk to my own brother?"

Homer, his head in the clouds, mumbled "yeah, answer her, boy!"

That made him _explode_ , "because of that stupid pole of yours, I've lost all nerve activity in my arms, Simpson. excuse me if I'm not feeling the love!" he said, before looking at his plate, that the dog had emptied into its stomach. "aw screw this, I'm outta here!" he said, before storming off to his room, Lisa and Homer laughing at him, Marge grumbling once more.

Once inside, he lost all sense, mumbling "stupid Lisa torturing me with … why do I even... I shouldn't have to take this-" until his eyes fell on two pieces of paper on the top of his bed.

License of Emancipation, and deed to a flat on an apartment complex.

His eyes brightened with determination, and he opened his two travelling bag, his mouth widened into a grin.

* * *

Saturday morning cartoon shows were always a favorite past-time activity of Lisa's, and basically a holy duty for Bart.

Every Saturday, Bart would be sitting by the TV, laughing his ass off to the mouth executing the cat on the big screen, and Lisa would be next to him, doing the same.

This was the second Saturday this month that Lisa was here alone, and she planned to stay alone for the rest of the show. It would be a good lesson for Bart, to learn never to make fun of her again.

Imagine her surprise when he never came down the stairs.

Of course she didn't pay that much attention to it. Bart was a quick learner. He'd probably learned he wasn't welcome down here. But when two hours later, nine in the morning and with dad and Mom down there and breakfast ready, he still hadn't showed up, it was marge who found something missing.

"hey, where's Bart?" she asked, when the empty seat was still empty three minutes after she'd called 'BREAKFAST!', "he's never been late for a weekend meal before!"

"Relax marge, he's probably sleeping in. let the boy have his fun" rolling her eyes at Dad's words, Lisa said "I'll go wake him"

she picked the pole, and opening the door to his room, poked him with it.

Nothing happened.

She tried again, this time harder so it would hurt the boy back into the world of living. The boy didn't even move.

She grumbled and went over to wake him in a more classical manner, she pulled over the blanket "ii swear I'll-"

There was no Bart in the bed. Just a bunch of pillows and three letters in them.

'Lisa', 'homer', and 'Marge'.

 _Oh, great Nirvana!_ She thought frantically, _he's done it again,_ she yelled "MOM! DAD! Bart's not here!"

Before opening her envelope, reading the letter.

**Lisa**

**You can have the house. I'm leaving.**

**Don't contact me again, not in school and not with a phone, and in case Homer's too dumb to read a letter, tell him he'll have to resume paying back all the money he owes me, which I've found is more than what we thought at first. If he doesn't, I'll see you at court, and Hutz can't take down my lawyer.**

**This is** _**it** _ **for me here, I', Leaving, and by the time you've read this, I've packed all that was dear to me. I'm not going to return. Ever. By Monday, my new school program will be ready, so you'll have to see me more in the school, sorry if I disappointed you. Don't ask how, there are loopholes is every law, Restriction laws aren't an exception.**

**You win, I hope you choke on it.**

**Bartholomew J Simpson**

And that was it. her last relic from Bart Simpson, unless she could find him and convince him to return.

 _Or not. Why should_ I _always be the one to mend a broken friendship? Bart's not Blameless in this equation. He hasn't had enough, like always he's just too much of a coward to stay and take his punishment like a man. Hell, he'll be back by the Sunday._

And then, as if this were a sappy movie, Maggie touched the _play_ button on Bart's old music player, and guess what started playing?

Brother and a sister, we're trying not to boast/ but we can't help believin' that we'll always be this close!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: hello. This is my newest story, an always complete ongoing series based on an episode of the same name.  
> The basic idea was what if Simpsons had any sort of Continuity in it?  
> Imagine, if Bart still had his license of Emancipation and that deed to an apartment, he wouldn't need to live in the wilds, he could just go somewhere else, and since it's the simpsons, he'd find a way to earn money.  
> Well, it would be a better thing that to actually put Lisa in a good light for putting a restraining order on her own brother. For gods sake, they live in the same place, you don't do that to a sibling.  
> (not to say bart's blameless, as always he started it, and should have paid in a way, but not that. Sorry, but no one has to live in a tent next to their own house. And besides, only three good deeds?)  
> That's it for now,  
> I don't really know when i'll update again,  
> Davoid signing off


	2. Chapter 2

The immediate aftermath to Bart’s abrupt moving wasn’t much of a surprise.

Homer wasn’t concerned, ‘oh relax. He’ll return soon. Where’s he gonna live in anyway? Streets?’  
Marge was a bit worried and sad for her wayward son, but Lisa took it the hardest.

She had tried to convince herself that Bart’s letter, even if a bit mean worded, meant nothing. Bart had no skill to find money, and he was too irresponsible to take care of himself.

The song, something they’d worked on a few months ago (some blues album they’d decided to record, strangely Mr. Burns had requested to have his song, a rock song about his incompetent workers, added too) had broken her confidence.

In the end, she was more to blame for this than her brother, she’d gone overboard with this, too carried away, and had caused his abrupt departure.

The tone of his letter meant he really was cutting all ties with his family, even if not legally.

* * *

Bart woke up in his apartment house, still furnished from his time there, after a really refreshing night of sleep.

He was alone again, and this time nothing tied him to the Simpsons. Nobody but cute little Maggie. No one was waiting for him, the entire evergreen terrace had probably had the biggest party of their lives the moment they’d heard he was gone.

That would teach them, chasing him away from his own home. And besides, wasn’t this what they _wanted_? Him out of Lisa’s life? Now they had it.

It was better for them all.

* * *

Monday morning, Lisa woke up early, ate breakfast quickly, and took her seat in the front of the bus, 8-am Sharp, her eyes lingering on the population of the bus a moment too long. Bart was in her regular orange and blue, sitting next to Milhouse and talking to his normal group of friends animatedly. Nelson was laughing at something he’d said and Martin was nagging at him for it, Milhouse rolling his eyes at their shenanigans, waved a hand towards her. But that was it.

“hey, Lisa!” said Janey, her supposed best friend, as she sat next to her, “why didn’t _Bart_ come with you today?”

Lisa sighed dejectedly, and said “he was emancipated again. he doesn’t live with us anymore” Janey pouted, “aw…I really wanted to watch him run after the bus again!”

_Yeah, because that wasn’t the sort of thing that chased him away in the first place,_ she thought, but just said “yeah. Pity we can’t do _that_ anymore!” to her friend’s dismay.

The moment she sat on her chair, Principal Skinner called for her by the intercom system. “Lisa Simpsons, please report to the Principal’s office as soon as possible”

She looked at Ms. Hoover, waiting for her permission. “alright, Lisa. Go see what he wants. You’ve already solved all your math problems for this month”

Five minutes later, she knocked on the principal’s office, “Come in!”, and entered, where an empty chair waited for her, of course the chair in front of it was occupied by Bart.

_Wait._ She thought, _is something wrong?_

“principal skinner, why did you ask for me?” “you might want to sit for this one, Lisa”

Blinking in confusion, she did so, and he said “I’m afraid we might have to rethink the school policy on your Restraining order, Lisa”

* * *

<Flashback Sequence>

“So you see, Seymour dear, unless you don’t think of something right now, I’ll have to retaliate” said Bart sweetly to Mr. Skinner, who scoffed, “and what will you do? TP the school? Cause property damage? _Take over the school?_ Face it, Simpson, there’s no sort of criminal activity possible that hasn’t been written on your record at least _once_. You step a foot out of line and I’ll ship you straight to the military school”

Bart shook his head, “ _pranks_? I’m not talking about physical retribution, sir. Let me give you an example, the court still has no idea about what _really_ happened when I was sent on that ‘student exchange system’ trip to France. They all presume I had a six month of relaxing and fresh holidays there. “ he shook his head, “this school’s got enough problems to fill a book, and I know more about them than any other student than Milhouse. Awful teachers, awful staff, awful education courses. _Terrible_ embezzlement on the school funding front.” He smirked, “I imagine the district attorney would be quite pleased to hear our groundskeeper is wanted for murder in five states, including ours.

“it would be quite unfortunate if any of this were to leak to any federal official. Why, the entire school district could be facing expulsion for this”

Skinner paled a little, “you wouldn’t dare-“ “here’s the beautiful part. Unless I call my lawyer off before twelve o’clock, this will be the first case for tomorrow.” “er. Maybe we could talk this over? Mr. Simpson is there anything I can do for you to dissuade you from this course of action?” said the third part in their room, Superintendent Gary Chalmers.

He smiled sadly, “all I want is for my school system to return to a normal routine. Be it exchanging me to West Springfield or changing my program, I don’t care. I’m not losing another week of education because my sister can’t take a joke”

As Seymour snorted indiscreetly, Chalmers said “well, call for the younger Simpson then.”

Which was what led them to _this_.

<Flashback Over>

* * *

 

Lisa blinked, “what?” Skinner repeated, “we will have to think of an alternative to the current plan on Bart’s education. Even for one of Bart’s…particular reputation, Education is necessary.”

She rolled her eyes, “ _that’s_ what you’ve made me lose a class for? I don’t care about his education. As long as I don’t see Bart during the day, I don’t care what happens to him here”

Then Bart said “so, Seymour, you have two choices. One is to let me leave this school for West Springfield elementary, the other is claiming this school a No-man’s-land.”

All three of them answered at the same time “west Springfield elementary” he smiled, “one of the two options would not be favorable by me. Care to guess which one it is?”

Skinner sighed, “alright, kid. You have us at a stand-still. What do _you_ want?” “like I said, I want to go back to my class, to my teacher, and my regular classmates!” “the _law_ forbids you, Simpson. why don’t you understand that?” “not quite. Springfield state constitution states ‘all places of Learning, all places of worship, all inns and taverns may be deemed Sanctuary for a desperate man fleeing law’, and for some reason no one had the idea to change this piece of paper since the 1800s. I cry for sanctuary, can you accept it?”

The old man behind the desk sighed, “alright Simpson. you win. I heed your cry, so long as you obey my laws while on my ground, you’re safe of harm”

Bart smiled, “thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Skinner. May I be excused to my class?”

And as the principal rose to lead him to the class, explaining the reason of his return to Ms. K, Lisa looked at them with a wide-open mouth.

Since when did _Bart_ know of the state constitution?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you think Bart's a bit bratty towards Skinner, remember that he's the second worst school principal in all TV sitcom History (second only to the principal on Meg's school (whoever the fuck he is))


	3. Chapter 3

Well, whoever said blackmailing's wrong, Bart was proud to say it paid off anyway.

A little bluff (that his lawyer had no idea about) was all it took to buy him his seat in Mrs. K's classroom back.

"Edna, may Bart return to your class, if it's alright with you?" "no problem," Ms. Krabapple said, "oh no, but I have to say, a week without any interruptions was a nice change"

Skinner smirked nastily, "oh yes, about that. Do inform me if he ever, in any form, causes interruption in the class." "huh, Why?"

Bart interrupted, "I had to call for sanctuary. can't break the hospitality laws"

With a hopeful tone, she asked, "so no more pranks?" "no pranks, no cheating, no class-clowning. I'm going to be a good little fourth grader, just like martin" " _Ha!_ I'd like to see that"

 _Oh you'll see that, you'll see that alright!_ he thought, but smiled sweetly and entered the class, as Seymour and Edna took a couple of minutes to talk more over it.

Once inside, no one acted like there was any difference in the class. almost like he wasn't away for an entire week.

He never knew he was so...replaceable.

he had to change, didn't he?

* * *

After the class, he and his closest circle of friends: Milhouse, Donnie, Nelson and Lester remained, Donnie said "it's good to see you back, Bart. So what's the 'I'm back' prank going to be?"

Bart smiled sadly, "gentlemen, I'm sad to announce my retirement from being a prankster."

Nelson dropped down in shock, Donnie and Lester had their mouth wide open, but Milhouse just said "sanctuary?"

The three others blinked at him, he shrugged "what? I'm a geek, remember?" Bart nodded, "yup. I am not allowed to break any school laws. Until this whole shindig with Lisa's restraining order is over,"

Then he looked sideways, and whispered " _but,_ I'd be honored if you would do it in my place"

Donnie smirked mischievously, "don't worry Bart, you're leaving your title in good hands"

The four nodded, and as they began leaving, Bart grabbed Milhouse's arm, "Milhouse, I'm afraid there's something I've got to tell you"

…

* * *

The next day, Lisa woke up once again, and walked to the bus alone, without any Bart to apply a commentary or nag about Otto being late.

Once inside, she once again looked over the bus. Bart was in his regular seat, reading something.

She blinked. _Bart Simpson reading a book in the bus?_ she nudged Janey in the side, "hey, Janey!" she whispered.

The black girl with brown curls turned "What?" she asked, "is Bart _actually_ reading something?"

She looked as well, and said "yeah, he's reading one of their textbooks. Wow, that's new"

Once they were in the school, nothing had changed. Everything was as it normally would be, it was as if Bart's return had no effect on the school.

She walked to the locker room. right after she opened it, a few books fell on the ground. She looked at them, but before she could go to pick them up, someone else did that.

"hey, Lisa!" said Milhouse with her books in his arms, "how are you doing today?"

She rolled her eyes. Nothing out of ordinary indeed. "thank you, Milhouse. I _was_ having a nice day!"

He said nothing, but winced a little, and when they reached their class, he said "oh, sorry. I'm late for class. I'll have to give these to you now!" and did so carefully, before hurrying towards his own class.

Janey said "don't you think you're a bit mean to Milhouse?"

Waving her hand dismissively, she said "oh, come on, Janey. There's no being 'too mean' when the other guy's _Milhouse_!" not aware someone was listening to her words.

* * *

After the first period, Lisa skipped down to the hall, to the locker room, where she exclaimed " _yes!_ I got an A+, again!"

To which Jimbo, the bully with a hat on his head, raised his head, turning towards her. "so, you've got a good grade, huh? You think you're _better_ than me?"

As she opened her mouth to reply, he noticed Martin, the 4th grader genius who was always her rival in the science fairs, shake his head, mouthing 'no' repeatedly.

"well, yes", she answered anyway, as she opened her locker door, "you've been in the third grade ever since I came to this school. why would you even _doubt_ that I'm better than you?"

Martin face-palmed loudly. She was walking to the hall smugly, when she felt like she fell in her locker.

 _Jimbo SHOVED me?_ She almost said "hey, what the-" when he closed the door with a loud band and punched it loudly.

"let's see how _better_ you are in getting out of that!" he said venomously, before leaving the room.

Huh. That was new.

Most people didn't talk to her that much. Sometimes they didn't play with her, and some of the meaner kids made fun of her hair color, but never before had she ever faced the physical side of bullying. Not like Martin, or Utter, or Milhouse.

She narrowed her eyes, and grabbed her phone, texting 'I'm trapped in the locker room, plz help' to some of the people she knew would check their phone in school.

Maybe none of them did, because it took three hours (and a really pale Ms. Hoover) for her to be rescued from the locker room. Now too late for lunch, or free-reading period. She mumbled disappointedly.

Was _this_ what Bart usually felt when dad forgot to pick him up from something?

She had to tell mom, it wasn't as 'cheer up'-able as she would think, and tell Bart.

* * *

**A.N: I will declare right now. Bullying is not something that can, or should be excused. It's wrong and immoral and (in my opinion, I don't know where the _law_ stands on this) something that should be punishable by expulsion (if in school), or jail time on the  first offence.**

**I am not excusing Jimbo's behavior (and while the character isn't really detestable, what he** _**stands** _ **for is something that I believe** _**THE SIMPSONS** _ **takes lightly.), he will eventually be punished for his behavior (to every other kid in school, Basically).**

**And another thing, Martin may be a bit condescending and rude to other kids (and basically a spoilsport (in the earlier seasons, at least. In the later seasons, he was reduced to cameos mostly), but I believe Lisa would be bullied more. For one thing she openly believes in another religion, is a vegetarian (and has been openly trying to make the school stop selling meat as food, at least in some episodes), she's** _**the** _ **nerd, and (while surprisingly strong for her age) really bad at sports.**

**Somehow, she's almost always safe of the bullying that other kids suffer from. I like to think it's because of Nelson (who's always been sweet on her), and Bart (who's surprisingly friendly with the people who take his lunch money every day).**

**And a Warning, on the chapter after this one, Lisa will be quite OOC (even for an AU written by an amateur writer who couldn't write personalities right if his life depended on it) I'm not** _**trying** _ **to bash, but unfortunately some of the episodes I've been watching lately were the ones that show her in bad light. They may have had their effect on me.**

**Until later, Davoid, signing off**


	4. Chapter 4

Bart rubbed the back of his neck, _Goddammit!_ He thought, _what’s our state capitol again?_

This was his first exam ever since he’d returned to Edna’s class, and this was the last question.

He’d studied Hard for this. His second perfect-score exam of all these years, and most of the questions he’d answered easily. Well, not exactly easily, but still…

But he was sure the answer to this question _wasn’t_ in the book. Or maybe it was, just in one of the pages he’d torn for one of his pranks.

_Damn. Time to improvise_

There were only five major cities in the state that he knew of. It couldn’t be Shelbyville, or terror lake. And he was pretty sure that company-residential area homer had wrecked was newly-built. It was a question between Springfield and Capital City.

He face-palmed in his mind, _REALLY?_ And wrote ‘Capital City’ on the answer sheet. And right in time, because Edna took the papers a moment afterwards.

“Well, Children. I’m afraid I’m not quite alright in the moment, so you’ll have the rest of the day off. Do whatever you want, but don’t leave the classroom.”

As the students cheered (and commenced project ‘leave the classroom immediately’) Bart grabbed Milhouse, “I promised I’ll help you. So I will. There’s a fifth grader who was actually impressed by some of the love songs you wrote for Lisa”

Milhouse dropped his head. “you mean to tell me that all those times I humiliated Myself for Lisa, there was someone who actually liked the songs I wrote?”

Bart nodded, “yes. And in fact, I’m pretty sure she has the same feelings about you that you have for Lisa, so what do you say, give yourself a Chance?”

Milhouse said “ _Would I?_ ” Bart rubbed his hands sinisterly, “good, but for the plan to stick, as some of the people say in those shows homer watches, you’ll have to …uh…perform one last time.”

Milhouse sighed, “another love song?” “yes. Your best yet. If you’re lucky, she’ll will like it. and I’ll…er…convince her to tell you that.”

“but what if Lisa likes it too?”

Bart said with a straight face, “on the _highly unlikely_ chance that she likes it, you won’t need to see the other girl, will you?”

Poor poor Milhouse, still so delusional to think Lisa would like one of his, arguably really good, poems.

What he didn’t know (and wouldn’t know, if Bart had any say in it) was that the only thing that stopped Lisa from publicly dissing Milhouse was Bart begging her not to do so.

With Bart out of the picture, Lisa was about to do what she’d done to Ralph a few months ago.

Fortunately, Milhouse _would_ eventually get the girl. Unlike poor little Wiggum.

* * *

Twelve forty-five in the afternoon, fifteen minutes after the lunch break had started, Milhouse rose from his seat near Bart across the cafeteria, murmured something, picked a piece of paper up, and the sight of his friends’ two-thumbs-up, began walking to her table.

Lisa sighed, and when she saw the few words in the letter that she could make out, she was filled with dread.

Another love song.

“hey, Lisa!” exclaimed Milhouse, “I wrote a song for you, wanna hear it?”

“Not really-“ she said, but was interrupted by him, who began singing.

After almost a minute of dreadful rhyming words stringed together, he said “what do you think?”

Lisa closed her eyes, took a deep breath and tried to ignore the others.

If this was a month ago, the way things were back then, she’d say ‘no’ as gently as she could, and Milhouse would leave, Sulk for a few days, but get over it soon.

This wasn’t the regular days. she looked directly into his eyes and said “Milhouse. That was the most _horrible_ thing I’ve ever heard. In my life. Even worse than Bart’s R&R trash!”

She saw some of the brightness leave his eyes. But she couldn’t just stop now. Might as well take it to the extreme. “stop. Just stop writing me songs. Stop giving me secret valentines, stop trying to make me become your girlfriend. It’s just not going to happen. _Ever_!”

With a heart-broken tone he said “Lisa I just wanted to-“ “ _no!_ just stop! Don’t talk to me. Don’t even look at me. I don’t love you, I don’t like you even as a friend! I don’t hate you, but the only reason I haven’t said this before was Bart, and now he isn’t here!”

A few hours later, when she would get home, she’d receive an Email from Bart (though she wouldn’t know that) with the content ‘watch 2:30 closely, you can pinpoint the exact moment you permanently broke yet another heart. I hope you’re proud of yourself, Lisa, because none of us are’ and a video recording of the cafeteria, from the security cameras, of the lunch period.

A few hours later, when she’d received the email and had _actually thought about what she’d done,_ she would be immensely shocked at herself, and wallow in shame. Right then, she couldn’t possibly care less about the two hundred widened pairs of eyes that were on her.

Something broke in Milhouse that day. Something irreplaceable broke, and wasn’t fired for a long time later. The innocence of a hopeful child, the trying spirit of a hopeless romantic, the senseless, strong –unending- love he felt for that girl vanished. Left. _Poof_! And his eyes hardened.

Of course that love hadn’t left. It had just gone silent for a while, but he didn’t know that yet.

Too proud to cry in front of all the school this time, he sniffed loudly and dropped his head, “for a second there I thought…” he chuckled bitterly, “well, thanks Lisa! At least now that I _know_ there’s no chance for me, I can at least stop destroying my non-existent reputation. Goodbye, Lisa”

He sighed, and left, Lisa’s eyes never leaving his back. Once he was out of earshot, he began crying silently near the WCs, where a cute girl with a slightly dorky look said “that was quite the poem. You write them yourself?”

_Could she be the one?_ He thought hopefully, she was almost the girl of her dreams. Beautiful _and_ (if her looks weren’t just poor fashion) smart. Furthermore, she didn’t hate him!

He said shyly “the rhyming dictionary helps, but yeah. I do most of it myself!” “that was some horrible dumping back there. How about I buy you some Ice-cream after school? just so you’d feel better?”

He sighed, “but…I can’t go out with strangers.” She shrugged, “alright then. Taffy brown!” she raised a hand forward, “wanna be friends?”

He smiled nostalgically, remembering the first time this had happened, and shook the hand, “Milhouse Van Houten! I’d be delighted to.”

And thus, a new friendship bloomed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N:
> 
> Alright, alright, I am pretty cruel to Milhouse, and (arguably) OOC as Lisa.
> 
> First, I would say that Lisa DOES have a mean streak. One that is, sometimes, even worse that Bart’s. (my main example would be the MANY torturous ‘experimentations’ she’s done to Bart (some of which have had ‘a clockwork orange’-ish results, if you catch my drift.) or basically how she interacts with Milhouse throughout the series (especially pre-season 20). Let’s not ignore poor Ralphie either.)
> 
> Second that, yes. In the original episode, Lisa wasn’t this horrible to Milhouse at the dumping. Well, I think I’ve explained why it was so different this time around. She’s under a lot of pressure herself, and sometimes, people don’t care about others in that sort of situation.
> 
> Third that, Taffy (who, like most one-time characters in the show doesn’t really have a last name) was one of the few one-time characters I really wish we’d see again. along with the whole Next-Generation-Simpsons in ‘Holidays of the future past’ universe.
> 
> Davoid, signing off.


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the day passed by in a flash. Before long, Lisa (and Bart) had boarded the bus. She didn’t see Milhouse entering it, but she did saw how people looked at her.

A few, the bullies in particular, were looking at her with respect. Like she’d done something note-worthy in their opinion. A few were in disinterest (the default look people had when about her), but most were either in hatred, or disappointment.

Okay, so she may have _possibly_ , been a tiny bit hard on him. can you blame her? The bullies hadn’t left her alone the entire day, Ms. Hoover had been a bit boring, and Allison was on a roll, answering every question before her.

What she _hadn’t_ had time for was a stupid poem about how a stupid bint loved her, at least not in front of everyone.

She sat on her seat, closest to the door, and huffed, crossing her arms under her chest, being practically non-responsive for the rest of the ride, until she walked (more like stormed) to her room, waking a bawling Maggie up in the way.

She had an Email.

Huh. Almost _nobody_ sent her emails. Most didn’t have her address, those who did usually saw her all day long.

This one was from an unknown address. Not an obviously Spamming one, but still unknown.

She grumbled, but still opened the mail.

* * *

Buddha preserve her, had that really been _her_?

You mean to say, she was actually _that_ horrible to the poor boy (who, now that show thought about it from an outsider view, wasn’t really _that_ bad a poet. The poem may not have been Shakespeare or Allen Poe lever material, but at least it _rhymed_. Which was more than what could be said for most boys his age)

That person, whoever he was, was right. she could actually _see_ the change, eyes hardening, fists clenching, lips quirking downwards ready to cry.

She…she had _destroyed_ her brother’s best friend. Irrecoverably ruined him in just one second. All because _she_ was having a bad day.

She had to apologize. And quick. maybe it wasn’t as bad as she thought…

* * *

**< POV change>**

When it happened, like almost everyone else, Bart had widened his eyes.

She’d known her sister could have quite the mean streak, but he didn’t expect _this_. He dropped low, crouched, and in the distraction caused by Lisa basically Obliterating his best friend, sneaked towards the fifth year girl, who dropped her sandwich at the ‘live entertainment’ in front of her.

Milhouse coldly said his goodbyes to Lisa and walked out, at the same moment Bart whispered, loud enough for her to ear, “hey. If you can, now’s your time! follow me!”

Before sneaking out of the cafeteria, shadowing the unsuspecting Milhouse.

He and the girl paused by the door, both wincing at the muffled bawls, “good, you’re here.” He nodded at the girl, “tell you what, I’ll go cheer him up-“ to which the girl shook her head, “no, Bart. This is different. I know how to cheer a stranger after a break-up. Trust me on this.”

And in she went.

Bart smirked, the first phase was already complete. Now, all Milhouse had to do was to choose wisely.

* * *

**< POV change>**

“hey Lisa” said Marge, sitting on the bed near a down-beaten Lisa who was hugging her knees, “is something wrong?”

“mom I…” she tried, but then shook her head, “it’s nothing.”

Well. it definitely wasn’t _nothing_ , if her experience as Bart’s mom had taught her anything. But Marge knew that asking now wasn’t an option. It would just make things worse.

But she wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. She’d find out what was wrong _by herself_. No more waiting for Luann Van Houten to tell her what’s up.

 _Ring_ the phone rang. “Simpson Residence, Marge speaking” she said automatically, “hey Marge, it’s Luann” _speak of the devil…_ “oh, hello Luann! How’s family?”

“look, remember how I used to say Bart was the one ruining Milhouse?” she said. Marge rolled her eyes, but with some uncertainty said “yes…” “I was mistaken. It’s not Bart. It’s Lisa”

Marge raised an eyebrow. “can I ask what you mean by that?” “why don’t you ask Bart or Lisa?”

She sighed, “Bart and I…are not on speaking terms. Not that I can blame him.”

She really couldn’t, that letter he’d wrote for her had opened her eyes quite harshly. If anything, he’d made it quite clear that he wasn’t about to return, or even speak, to people who didn’t really want him.

“oh, right…that whole emancipation thing. Well, I’ll tell you what happened. Your daughter broke my son. He doesn’t respond to anything; he doesn’t do anything. Just sits on her bed, staring at the wall”

 _But that’s normal for Milhouse_ , she thought, but didn’t say it, and wisely so, for Luann wasn’t done yet, “your daughter’s smart. And Milhouse is Smitten with her. I don’t think we could keep them apart, even if we wanted to. So all I ask is, make your daughter _behave_. I’d rather have a pranking menace for a son than a depressed boy who could get suicidal at teen years.” And then hung up.

 _Oh god, Lisa_ thought Marge, as she prepared the table for a dinner for three, _what have you done now?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: yeah, Lisa isn’t as evil as it appears. And Marge…well, let’s just say if Bart ever happens to return to 742Evergreen Terrace, Marge won’t just look impassively as Homer strangles him.
> 
> (which, to be honest, is quite the bizarre habit for a woman so…well…motherly. I mean, the guy is literally trying to kill her son, often for no reason at all, and she just watches?)
> 
> And let’s face it, pre-divorce Luann was a great mom (not sure if she changed after the divorce, but you may say the …uh…habits she got after the divorce might’ve been a bit destructive for a boy of ten years old)
> 
> Davoid, Signing off.


	6. Chapter 6

Of course she didn’t find Milhouse alone the next day. It was _never_ that easy, and it wouldn’t be Lisa’s rotten luck, if he hadn’t somehow become the popular kid overnight.

People she didn’t know (and hadn’t even seen before, not even hanging with Bart or Milhouse) were scoffing at her. Willie, _willie of all people,_ who wouldn’t miss a chance at making fun of the guy, had shook his head with disapproval when she looked at him.

Lisa walked to the locker room, Janey (who she suspected hanged out with her only so she could gossip about her afterwards) by her side.

She opened the locker, as usual three books fell off the locker, _I really should do something about this dump someday_

She blinked.

“Lisa?” asked Janey, “What’s wrong?”

She sighed, “nothing. It’s just…normally this would be the cue for Milhouse to show up”

Janey blinked, “yeah, you’re right. normally this _would_ be the cue for Milhouse to jump to your help. But what’s the problem?”

She bent and picked the three books herself, “what do you mean?”

“I believe ‘don’t talk to me! Don’t even look at me!’ were your exact wordings. Don’t tell me you didn’t think this was part of the deal”

She sighed, “yeah, you’re right. I really screwed up, didn’t I?”

Alex, who was just walking by, said “I don’t get your deal, Simpson. you’ve got guy groveling at your feet, and you do _this_ to them!” she rolled her eyes, “what, you _like_ breaking hearts?”

Lisa narrowed her eyes, “I don’t have to answer to _you_ , Alex, what I said, I said in a moment of anger in a day full of frustration. I regret it, but it’s not like I actually _meant it_.”

“Are you _kidding me?_ You roll your eyes at Milhouse when he tries to help you! You made fun of Nelson, the bully we don’t dare talk to, even though he was literally trying his best to change himself for you. Your own brother, who’s been keeping you away from the bullies for _years_ , and you thank him by making him run away from home.” She narrowed her eyes, “You’ve been trying to put meat out of the cafeteria menu for months! You almost ruined our annual historical parade, you ruined the wacking day! It’s like you _like_ taking all happiness out of everyone!”

Lisa sighed inwardly, she would have to endure this _all day long?_

She’d better find Milhouse, and soon! She couldn’t take this much longer!

* * *

**< POV change** >

Ignoring Lisa for the first time in four years, Milhouse walked with Taffy by his side, to their lunch table. Bart and his newest girl (damn, how easy _was it_ for the guy to find girls?) already sitting.

“Guys, this is taffy. Would it be a problem if she sat here?” Bart gave taffy a look, (one Milhouse couldn’t know, but was sure Taffy had replied to with a small nod) and looked at the girl in front of her, “fine by me. What do _you_ think, Ashley?” to the girl’s giggle and nod.

Of course he would do that the first days. luring the girl in. It wouldn’t be until he’d got used to her that she would see his true (maybe a _little_ selfish) self. That would be when the girl would dump him. he would be sad the first day, angry the second. And be back to cootie-land by third.

As he always used to say, ‘Milhouse, we live in the age of Cooties!’

Milhouse feared for when this guy reached High school. He really did

* * *

**< POV change>**

Either way, he sat, a shyer taffy sitting on the other side, and they made some small talk about school and skateboards and the latest Radioactive man comic issue and this new fantasy book that had been released lately. Until Milhouse felt the call of nature, if you will.

The moment he left, Bart’s eyes hardened, he snapped his head towards Ashley and said “What you hear here you’re never going to tell anyone else, Okay?” “alright!”

“Good. So how’d it go?” he asked taffy, “it was…god! His parents’ve destroyed him, not to mention your sister!” exclaimed taffy, her head in her hands.

“wait,” said Ashley with confusion, “you guys know each other?” “we have a mutual friend. For the lack of better words” said Bart absentmindedly, “what do you mean, what have they done?”

“He _craves_ any sort of approval,” Bart blinked, “he’s always been the same” “no. he was going to _pay_ for my ice-cream, even though he’s a year younger than me, gets no allowance, and doesn’t keep money on him. even though I blatantly said ‘my treat’ three times. Do you know any kid who’d do that at ten?”

Bart rubbed the back of his neck, and Taffy said “so, what was I saying? Oh right.  he craves approval. He didn’t even make _small talk_ in fear of making an idiot out of himself, and his face is literally an open book!” She said, “your dear sister, and his _great parents_ have done such a great job on him he needs _professional_ help!”

Bart sighed, “Do you really want to go out with him? you know he’s not going to get over Lisa” “are you kidding? I’ve had a crush on the guy ever since he was a 1st grader!” “then please. I’m begging you. Don’t make him worse than he already is. He’s like the brother I never had, if you ruin him he’ll…”

Ashly whispered “quiet. He’s coming back” to which Bart thanked her, and changed the subject quickly.

As the next class (Math, as it was) went by, while Edna was Droning on about divisions, Bart went into deep thought.

This side-project with Milhouse was fine, it would do his friend good, but he needed some source of income.

Homer’s money (that went to _his_ account) was a good source, but eventually it would dry out.

If he were to remain alone, living without the rest of the Simpsons, he needed more than just that.

He needed a job.

* * *

**< POV CHANGE>**

A thought was on Lisa’s head the entire day, after the lunch break.

Milhouse was hanging with a girl. A dorky, probably sweet girl she’d seen before with some of the fifth graders.

Taffy Brown (as she found out her name was, with a little research) was hanging out with Milhouse, probably for something.

Absentmindedly passing by a Homer twirling two scissors in his hands, she went to her room, logged on to spring face (her little project everyone used, but no one knew the source of) and searched for a taffy brown.

Popular girl. Friends with half their grade population, with hobbies and favorite things varying from smelling flowers to jogging to slasher flicks. This girl was not the sort that would hang out with a girl like _Milhouse_!

No offence, but there was _no_ way a girl that popular would just _want_ to hang out with a Milhouse like Milhouse!

Something was fishy, this puzzle had a piece missing, and her name wasn’t Lisa Simpson if she didn’t find out what.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N  
> Welcome to the newest chapter in this story  
> Sorry for the delay, at first I had an exam, and then my internet connection was lost for a few days, so I couldn’t really upload this chapter (and the next one)  
> Thanks for reading.  
> Davoid, Signing off!


	7. Chapter 7

Ah, to be young and foolish again.

Bart laughed quietly as he once again walked into the Gentleman’s club, the social pub for the Italian-american mobsters in Springfield.

Like the first time, he was greeted with three dozen guns aiming for his head.

“Hey Louie!” he said warmly as he swatted the man’s gun aside, “still like your martini without ice?”

The mob boss, a fat man in an expensive suit, laughed warmly, “Bart Simpson, mi Amico! Have you come to pay back your father’s debt?”

 _The fatso owes the mob money?_ He thought, but said “no, actually. Tony, I’m here looking for a job”

A few of the mobsters snickered, but he didn’t pay an attention to them.

“Looking for a job, eh?” said tony, “well, I’m not sure I have a mob profession for a ten year old, but right now, I have a meeting, and one of my chaperones called in sick for the day. Keep me company as we go to old Luigi’s Restaurant. We’ll talk after the meeting’s over”

* * *

An hour and a half later, with the meeting done and the other party in their Limo, Tony said to Bart, “well, what do you think?”

“I think we should leave. The food here doesn’t smell right”

Tony raised an eyebrow, “I can’t smell anything wrong. Besides, if Luigi _wanted_ to poison me, he wouldn’t be that dumb to use one that has a smell” Bart shook his head, “No, not poison. I’m talking about that weird thing on the spaghettis” “you mean the _truffles_?” bart nodded, “yes. They have a weird smell”

Fat tony said “kid. You can’t smell those things” “what?” “it’s almost impossible for human nose to smell a truffle.if it wasn’t, they wouldn’t be that expensive.”

 _Expensive, eh?_ “say, where can you find those stuff?” he asked with a thoughtful expression, “I don’t know. In the woods or somewhere? I’m not the one who finds these stuff. Ask luigi or something!”

Twenty minutes later, a still-thoughtful bart left the restaurant, counting his stack of twenties as he walked home.

Finding Truffles might be a good (hell, delicious) hobby, but it wouldn’t be a good source of income.

Bart was too lazy to actually look for those stuff.

* * *

For the duration of the week, Lisa tailed Milhouse and his new girlfriend wherever they went. Which wasn’t anywhere interesting, really. Arcade game centers, icecream shops, a few museums, a bookstore

Of course, most of the time they just hanged out, sometimes with bart and his friends, sometimes with the girl’s.

Until now, the girl hadn’t shown any sort of ulterior motive, but lisa was sure it was just a matter of time. no one could hide their motives forever, eventually everything comes out to light.

The irony of her thought not lost to her, she hid behind one of the long bookselves, listerning on the conversation of two fifthgraders who generally hanged out with the girl (Lisa was not going to give her the courtesy of using her name

Nothing. Just general baseless gossip about some popular kid’s newest prank or something.

Lisa ground her teeth, but quickly began reading the book covers as a boy walked to her.

The boy, with blue hair and round glasses, also began reading some book covers, before saying blandly, “so Lisa. Is there a reason you’re eavesdropping on Sharon and Paige?”

 _Sharon and paige_? Thought Lisa incredeously, _he is already on first name basis with them?_ She turned towards the boy (he was, obviously, milhouse) and said “yes. There is”

Milhouse waited patiently, not saying a word, and Lisa got it after a few seconds of silence, “your new  girlfriend is hiding smoething. I’m not gonna stop until I find out _what_ ” “taffy? She’s not my girlfriend! We’re just friends”

Neither noticed another girl gasping and leaving the library, both wer focused on eachotehr, “I’m telling you, Milhouse. There _must_ be something wrong about this taffy” to this milhouse bristled, “why? Because she’s actually hanging out with me?”

Lisa thought _YES!_ , but knew she couldn’t say that out loud. It would be tactless, and he wouldn probably misunderstand her words.

She took a deep breath instead, “trust me on this, Milhouse.  There’s something fishy about taffy brown”

Milhouse laughed incredeously, “I can’t believe this. you _actually_ think you’re helping me by this! just stop, Lisa, Okay? You’ve already done enough”

Before leaving her, and the library, joining the crowd that rushed to the new barbershop that had opened.

Lisa sighed, Milhouse was hopeless. If she _really_ wanted to go through with this, there was only _noe_ person with enough skill who cared about milhosue so much he would be willing to work with her.

She didn’t want to be the first to break this restriction she’d placed, but there was simply no choice.

She had to contact bart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N
> 
> Yes, I know. Lisa’s getting more obsessive here that she did in the original episode this is based on.
> 
> Until next time (and I’m working on writing that as you read this)
> 
> Davoid, signing off.


	8. Chapter 8

_Ring_ the bell rang, the children in the fourth grade class cheered and ran out to the hall, soon colliding with the others, everyone in a hurry to leave the school as fast as possible.

Bart was in no such hurry, still in detention for that one time he’d taken the fall for Lisa (thankfully he’d managed to convince Chalmers to make Seymour lower the number to five weeks instead of six hundred days (aka until halfway through sixth grade). He wrote on the old chalkboard (that he suspected they hadn’t thrown away for the sole reason he could do his detentions on) ‘I will not exploit the faculty’s incompetency’ repeatedly, waiting for Ms. K to get tired and let him go.

Which, fortunately, wasn’t long. After he’d passed the 50 mark, she said “alright, Bart. That’s enough for today. I have to say, I’m surprised you haven’t got any more detentions this week”

Bart smiled, but didn’t say anything, cleaning his hand and picking his backpack, he said “Goodbye, Ms. Krabapple!” “have a nice weekend, Bart. See you on Monday!”

As Bart skate-boarded towards his apartment, he couldn’t help feel a bit out of place.

He groaned in sadness. He might’ve been able to make others believe he didn’t care for this family anymore, but like every other time he’d…left home for an undecided number of days, he’d reached the state of Homesickness.

He missed how Homer would join him (or recruit him) for a crazy adventure. He missed how they would (fruitlessly) try and teach Maggie to talk. He missed his mother’s groans at the sight of Him and Lisa fighting. He missed hanging out with Ned, or tricking Rod into skipping about town singing ‘I am gay for my brother’.

Hell, he even missed being manipulated into one of Lisa’s experiments. Even Shock torture (like that one time) would be better than this. he missed how they’d go on a crazy adventure, or write songs, or torture dad’s favorite Bartender whenever they felt like it.

With a sigh, he unlocked the door to his flat, entering his house, where his sister was waiting for him.

In her normal red dress and white pearls, she was sitting on a chair, looking at him with an expression he couldn’t read. She was _definitely_ nervous though, if how she bit her lips, tapped on the wooden chair with her fingers, and avoided looking at his face were any clue.

But why was she here? Was she here to end the stupid restriction order? (not that he’d return home with that fixed. That was just the straw that broke the camel’s back) was she here to talk or taunt? Bart didn’t know.

But something he _did_ know was that he needed to change the lock, soon.

She was here because she _needed_ something from him, and she was nervous because she knew he wasn’t going to give it to her easily.

Homesickness? _Poof_.

“Lisa” he said coldly, “What do you want?”

* * *

**< POV change>**

 ‘what do you want’

Wow. That was cold. that’s not the Bart Lisa remembered. Of course, it’d been almost a whole month since they’d actually talked last, and last time she’d _been_ standing this closely to the guy, it hadn’t gone well. more like the roles had been reversed (with Bart getting the one tortured for once. He hadn’t liked that.)

Maybe she shouldn’t have been that hard on him. all this could have been avoided if she’d just ensured he would keep his distance, and stop trying to get back at him.

No, if Bart could act like an asshole, so could Lisa

_But Bart never RUINED life for you, did he?_

Well, no time for regrets. There was something important at stake.

“Bart,” she said, “it’s Milhouse. He’s not acting normal” she said, with a look full of worry.

Bart didn’t seem to be impressed, “Milhouse, who you ‘asked’ to get out of your life in front of the entire population of our school, is handling his situation as well as anyone can.” He shook his head, “He’s _trying_ to forget what you did to him in front of all our classmates. So please, don’t pour salt in his open wound.”

Lisa pulled out her Tablet, “look. I’m serious. Taffy’s a _fifth grader_. There’s no way she just _likes_ Milhouse.” She showed her Spring-Face Page to Bart, who said “wait. Why does your spring-face app look different than mine?”

“Not the time, Bart. As I was saying, a girl like _her_ , could get a fifth grader, even Kyle O’Bianco!”

Bart looked sideways, then said “so what? just because she’s popular, she should automatically ignore Milhouse?” “What? Bart, that’s not what I’m saying! Taffy’s up to something, okay? And I can’t find out _what_ it is. I tried everything I knew of, but I got nothing”

“maybe you found nothing because there’s _nothing to find!_ Ever thought of that?” “oh _please!_ She’s obviously got an ulterior motive. I _have_ to find it”

Bart took a deep breath, massaged his temples, and said “so why are you here? What do you want from _me_?”

Lisa sighed, and shuddered, as if struggling to say something she didn’t want (and it’s really hard for her to do that. She was always the one people came to for help!), and said “I need your help, you in?”

Bart looked at her, staring for quite a long minute, and then said “what’s in it for me?”

Lisa blinked, “Excuse me?”

“I know Taffy. We’ve sit together at Lunchtime for almost a week, she’s more of a friend to me than you are” he said, looking at Lisa sternly, “even more, your actions will probably return Milhouse to the state I found him after you were done with him. he’s my best friend, and I’m ashamed of even _saying_ this, but if I’m going to hurt my friends again, I’m not doing it for free”

Lisa narrowed her eyes, but she knew she couldn’t just drag him along. This needed thoughtful manipulations instead.

She sighed, “okay. What do you want?” Bart rolled his eyes, “for one thing, your Key to this house. And for another, I want that order rescinded.”

Lisa rolled her eyes, “I’m _here_ , aren’t I? the order was already rescinded before I came here. And trust me, it took two days of thinking it over before I went to court. Your welcome back home” she gulped, before saying quietly, “if you want”

Bart smirked, “it’s easier here. But I appreciate the offer.” He rose, and said “alright. we’ll do it your way. What’s the plan?”

“it’s time to get boots on the ground!”

* * *

“Argh!!!!!” came the voice from the kitchen, as Marge walked to the kitchen, she saw Homer bumping his head to the table softly, she shook her head, before putting a hand on his shoulders, “oh, my poor Homie!” at that, Homer rose frantically, grabbing her arms, he said “Marge, do you hear it? Listen! It’s the hair! Growing, _always_ growing! _Blonde, Brunette, AUBURN!_ ” Marge rolled her eyes, first Lisa’s obsession with this new girl Milhouse was going out with, now Homer? She said “this ENDS now!”

And as soon as Homer had gulped down the beer in the bottle in his hands, she sat on the chair in front of him, “Homer, we need to talk”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N
> 
> A thing to say. The Lisa in the episode Homer Scissorhands was really obsessive about Milhouse, basically acting like “if I don’t like him, nobody can!” until the final moments of her subplot story, where the unthinkable happened (C’mon. you know it was unthinkable. Almost half the fandom thought it was unthinkable, and even though it’s almost canon that she’ll end up with Milhouse eventually, half the fandom does not accept that. For god’s sake there are people who ship her with ralph!
> 
> Now, since I had to make a few changes in the dynamics of the story, She’s even more obsessive than canon Lisa, which is why she comes for help to Bart, of all people
> 
> Another thing, Sorry for not being around so long.
> 
> As I upload this, I’m working on two more chapters for this story, by then this Arc will probably end. Then I’ll have to think how to continue the story.
> 
> So I’m open to suggestions, just comment them if you have any.
> 
> Davoid, Signing off.


	9. Chapter 9

Bart said “okay, so you want to do what, find what taffy does when she’s not with Milhouse?” Lisa said “ _yes_. But I can’t ever find her alone! You have any idea?”

Bart rolled his eyes, “I’m not that friendly with her! I don’t know where she goes after school, but…why don’t I ask her?” “wait no-“ “too late!” said Bart, as he pulled out his phone, texting someone.

In a few minutes, there was a reply, “she says she’s going to Mount Springfield…do you really think you should follow her?”

Lisa was already walking towards the mountain. Bart snickered softly, before putting the phone back to his pocket. If Lisa had been a bit more careful, she’d ask for the phone, and she would know whoever Bart had texted, she was definietly _not_ Taffy.

* * *

“she’s going to the _holding out point?_ ” asked Lisa with an unbelieving expression on her face, as Bart was playing with his phone on the top of a tree in the trail. She sighed, “ _ugh_ , I am never gonna get my homework done tonight”

A little further, she rolled into a bush, creeping forwards, until she saw two people…holding hands.

She growled, “ _alright sister,_ what’s your game?” before swatting the bush aside, taking a menacing step forward, to see…Moleman and _lunch lady Doris?_

The moleman said “ow, we’re trying to get our relationship back together!” to which the Lunch lady rolled her eyes, “in the sack he’s a Salisbury steak. Everywhere else? _Creamed corn_.”

Lisa said awkwardly, “I am so sorry” _more like, I am so sorry I heard that, TMI!_ As she crept back into the bush, missing Bart’s snickering as she stumbled on a rock and fell down, next to where taffy was sitting next to a tall guy in blue T-shirts and red pants, _who’s that?_ She rose, and said “AHA! There you are you two-timing little-“

the Girl, and the one she was holding hands with, turned. The guy said “Lisa?”

the guy had a big nose, red round glasses, and a really really familiar voice, his blue hair even more familiar.

There were only three people on Springfield with that shade of blue as their hair-color.

Lisa blinked. _Milhouse? Damn you, Bart!_ She stuttered, “Milhouse?”

Taffy turned over too, with a mischievous look in her eyes (and she _knew_ that look. She’d seen it on his brother for eight years straight. There was no way for her not to recognize that) “eugh! Not her _again!”_

Milhouse, who did _not_ look like he was in on this, said “yeah, Lisa. Can’t you leave me alone? We’re over!”

Taffy turned to Milhouse, “you’re not _over_! You never _were!_ ” she said in a deadpan voice, “Milhouse, you’re a great guy, but we’re not gonna work out, for _one_ reason! It’s because you’ll _always_ be in love with _HER!_ ” she said, rolling her eyes, as she pointed at Lisa.

_Dear lord, not this again._ thought Lisa, but Taffy rose, and said “he likes his apple pie warm, and his Ala Mode cold, good luck” as she began walking away, that strange mixture of mischievous and stern expression still on her face.

As she left, Milhouse looked down at the ground beneath him sullenly, “you don’t want me to be with you, you don’t want me to be with someone else. How miserable do I have to be before happy?” said Milhouse, “Milhouse-“ she started, but he interrupted again, now his voice shaking “you won, okay? Just leave me alone!”

“Milhouse, I-“ she said again, before groaning. She grabbed his head, and their lips met.

It was over almost in a second, but it had had its effect. Milhouse was no longer sullen, “Lisa!” he said, now his voice a little hopefully, “Does this mean you like me?”

“Yes!” she said at first, then “NO!” in protesting (who was she really protesting against?) then in a conflicted expression, “I don’t know! It means that life is full of unexpected things, and you should never give up!” she said, automatically going into lecturer mode like every other time she didn’t know what to say, then she said quietly, turning her head away “and you’re cute in the moonlight” hoping he wouldn’t hear her

He did. And he dropped down out of shock.

Lisa winced, ready to hear a ‘pop’, but then from somewhere below, Milhouse said weakly, “I’m okay!”

Lisa let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding, and ran over to see what’d happened to the unlucky boy.

* * *

< **POV change** >

As she left, Bart finally stopped chuckling, and called Taffy, “thanks for the good acting there. It was successful”

Taffy, with a voice that showed she’d been crying, said “I wasn’t acting. I was serious” “I know. That must’ve been really hard for you” “it was” “I’m so sorry you had to go through this” said Bart mindlessly, “but I was serious there. I love Milhouse, but he’s never gonna let go of _Her_. Is it okay if I hang out with you guys anyway?”

Bart blinked, “sure. When you’re in, you will never be _kicked_ out! You’re always welcome to us!”

Taffy sighed, exhaled, and said “thanks, Bart. You’re a good friend”

Bart blushed, but said nothing. Jumping down the tree to see what had happened to Milhouse.

* * *

< **POV change** >

As Lisa and Bart began taking Milhouse to the nearest Hospital, Marge was relaxing in the chair in their backyard. For a guy with fingers _that_ chubby, he sure knew how to work with a woman’s hair.

She could put _the talk_ away for another day, this was too good to be stopped now…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N  
> Sorry. If you think that was horrible, please be gentle in you flaming… it was my first time writing something like that…  
> (bonus points for whoever got the reference)  
> Anyway, the next chapter will end this arc. And the one after it (which would be Ch11) will start a new arc…that I have no idea what should be.  
> Until later (probably about two or three days, if nothing happens)  
> Davoid, Signing off.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day was almost like any other.

The kids poured through the doors, running through the walls like a herd of bulls, kids everywhere sat on their chairs, looking bored as various teachers began droning on boring subjects.

Just like any other day, really.

But something had happened. Everyone knew it. for one thing, Lisa ‘teacher’s pet’ Simpson wasn’t trying to correct Ms. Hoover while she was ‘teaching’, for another, Milhouse, even though he was not hanging out with that fifth grader girl anymore, looked happy.

But these were just fragments. Some small pieces of a puzzle that some smart girl like Alyson would try to solve, or Ralph would find. These were nothing, compared to what happened in the Lunchroom.

It was common knowledge that Bart and Lisa Simpson didn’t really talk to each other anymore. They would go to classes on different wings of the school, and sit on lunch tables on the two sides of the cafeteria. They didn’t even hang in the same circles of friends. Most children didn’t really care about them per se (now that Bart wasn’t actively trying to ruin school for everyone, he’d been demoted to his level in the social chains of the school. and Lisa wasn’t popular to begin with), but with the recent events, what happened that day got everyone’s attention.

Lisa arrived late, as it was, but when she walked through the Cafeteria’s door, she didn’t walk towards Alison, Janey and the twins like she always would. No, instead, she marched towards a certain table on the other end of the hall, and banged her fist on the table when she reached there.

Three heads rose, meeting her angry, irritated gaze. One was her former boyfriend (and occasional crush), the other was the girl she’d seen yesterday leaving Milhouse, and the last one was her brother.

“Bart Simpson” she said in an angry tone. Not ‘he pranked me into kingdom come’ Angry, not even ‘oh Buddha why the hell do you eat meat so much’ angry. That was irritation coming from being manipulated, reserved for _smart_ people (and something she’d never thought she would ever use on Bart) “you tricked me”

Bart raised an eyebrow, “What are you talking about?”, Taffy (with the same look as yesterday) also added, “yeah Lisa, what’s your big game?”

Lisa growled, snarled, and said “you _tricked_ me! you knew I was going to ask for your help, so you _arranged_ for that to happen!”

Bart, with the eyebrow still raised, said “What?”

“Oooooooh! You _planned_ for me to walk in on Milhouse and _Her_! That’s why she wasn’t really angry! You _knew_ I was going to be guilt-tripped into-“

“I’m gonna stop you right there.”, Bart interrupted, “you can’t be serious about that, Lis’. You’re saying I _planned_ for this week to happen to Milhouse? In some sort of scheme so I could hook him up with you? You do realize you’re talking about the kid who _lost the way to the kitchen_ , right?”

“Oh quit it! you may have fooled them into thinking you’re stupid, but I’m not Mom and dad! You can’t trick me!” said Lisa, now not caring to be quiet, and not caring about the few dozens of eyes now on them, “you did something. you _tricked_ me into doing exactly what you wanted, and I’m not going to stand for it!”

That was when Taffy jumped up from her seat, grabbing Lisa’s collar and pulling it so they were face to face, “Listen here, you obnoxious little brat. Milhouse was almost pushed into suicide last week because of what you did, if you’re going to crush him _again_ -“ “are you kidding? There’s no _way_ I’m letting Milhouse go now! Who knows what he’ll do if I-“ interrupted Lisa with a serious tone, “what I’m talking about is _tricking_ him into thinking _you_ actually liked him!”

Taffy said “I _do_ like him, you prat! He’s the problem. You think what I said yesterday was _acting_? He’s **never** going to stop loving you. He’s hopelessly, irredeemably, almost stalkerishly in love with you.” Said Taffy, “you really think a summer fling would make him forget about that?”

She rolled her eyes, “I’m not letting that go anyway, Bart. You tricked me into doing _exactly_ what you wanted. And I’m going to get even one day!” the, she dropped a key on the table, “and these are your keys, as you asked for yesterday. Now good day, I’ve got a lunch to eat”

Nelson, who’d been uncharacteristically quiet till now, said “why don’t you sit with us? You’ve talked to Bart, and all the other tables are full”

While Bart and a girl (who hadn’t talked either) were protesting against Nelson’s proposal, Lisa looked around. He was right, her normal group of people had eaten their lunch, and were just now walking out of the doors. There was no open table for her, she turned back to the older kids, “you’d let me sit with you guys?” “yes, why not?”

And that, maybe, was the beginning of a reconciliation for the siblings.

* * *

a few days later, a young man with unruly red hair (truly unruly, it had a form most undesirable) walked to a familiar hall in the city.

“all rise for his honor, Judge Harm!” said the bailiff, and the man Smiled.

He already knew how this was going to end, and he already knew what he was going to do when this ended.

He was going to finally face his nemesis, and best him. once and for all.

His name wasn’t Robert Underdunk Terwilliger if Bart Simpson could escape his wrath this time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N:
> 
> Hey guys.
> 
> Here’s a short epilogue to this arc of the story.
> 
> Finally, Lisa and Milhouse are together, Bart and Lisa are on talking terms, and Sideshow bob is getting released from the prison once more…
> 
> What could possibly go wrong?
> 
> (on an unrelated note. Considering the fact that the entire Simpsons series is supposed to have happened in less than a year, I am really wierded out about the fact Sideshow bob (who’s been known to want to kill a ten-year-old kid, and has attempted to do so many many times) gets pardoned from Prison almost every time he goes there…)
> 
> Until I finally write Chapter 11 (which will probably be uneventful, more of a filler really),
> 
> Davoid signing off


	11. Chapter 11

Arc Three: No disgrace like home

**Previously on '** _**On a clear day I can't see my Sister** _ **':**

_And as soon as Homer had gulped down the beer in the bottle in his hands, she sat on the chair in front of him, "Homer, we need to talk"_

* * *

' _The Father of the Family has worked all day to find this food for its children, unable to fend for themselves, the Baby Bald Eaglets are dependent on their mother for regurgitating which is found-'_

The Three residents of the living room raised their heads with a gasp at the sight of a recently-arrived Homer shutting down the TV.

"Look everybody!" he said, "These last few weeks have been a real Eye-opener. We've got to do _better_ as a family! So from now on, we're not going to shovel food in our mouths while we stare at the TV!We're going to eat at the Dining room table, like a normal family!"

Lisa raised an eyebrow. Dad did get new ideas every once in a while, normally dropping them after a week (either because they wouldn't work, or because he'd grown bored. Whichever came first)

But this was a welcome change, to be honest.

Eating at the table would mean more communication amongst them.

* * *

"Happy dad?" she said, as they sat before the table, eating microwave food (Mom hadn't really made anything, what with not knowing about Homer's new idea)

with a smile, her father replied "yes"

"good, Commence Shoveling!"

"No!" Homer said before anyone could, as it were, commence Shoveling. "we're going to say grace first!"

"Dad, I'm Buddhist, Maggie can't talk, and Mom's hungry. Just let us eat!"

"No. Ignore her, Lord" Homer said. "Now Can the chatter and bow your heads"

'Dear lord, thank you for this microwave Bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean, our kids are uncontrollable hellions, pardon my French, but they act like savages. Have you seen this family this last weeks? Oh, wait of course you did, You're everywhere you're supposed to be omnivorous, oh lord why did you _Smite_ me with this family-'

Everyone, done with the 'blame game', said "A-men" and continued eating.

"No! I'm not done yet!"

"But Dad!" Lisa looked at him, "How long are we supposed to sit here and listen to you badmouth us to your friend upstairs?"

"Sorry Lisa, but sometimes I feel like we're the worst family in town"

Lisa had no idea what the others were doing, but a string of memories came in front of her eyes.

With the horrified look the others had, they'd probably had that too.

"The sad truth is, all families are like us!" she still said, even though she could guess otherwise.

"You'd think so, huh?" Homer said, getting up from his chair. "well there's only one way to find out!"

* * *

"He made us go look through the windows of the other houses in the Terrace." Lisa said to the table the next day, everyone listening closely. "He made us peek through the windows of the others. Someone even tried to shoot us! And then he got this look and left to Moe's."

"So wait" Bart snickered. "He thinks the family's got problems? and that _he_ doesn't?"

"Uh-huh"

"and then what?"

"Nothing. we returned home and went to sleep. Didn't see him before coming to school today."

"So let me get this straight. Homer Simpson wants to fix the Simpsons?" Bart said again. "So it seems."

"Five bucks says it's something Mom came up with."

"Of course it is, Dummy. Dad doesn't get ideas like this on his own."

* * *

"when will I learn? That answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a Bottle," Homer laughed as he rose unsteadily from the floor of Moe's Bar, Barney's strength proven too much for him. "They're on TV!"

* * *

"And I joke you not" Lisa continued talking the next day, he made us an appointment with Dr. Marvin Monroe!"

"The Fat guy on TV?" Milhouse asked. "Wasn't his license rescinded?"

"Maybe" Bart shot back, "But when's that ever stopped Homer? What did he sell to make the first appointment?"

Lisa took a long, deep breath.

"The TV"

Bart dropped the juice box he held in his hands.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N:
> 
> I'm back! It's been so long, but I've had time to write a bit more.
> 
> I've decided to, following the unintentional method I've followed so far, divide the continuation of this story into different Arcs, each Arc being a rewrite of an episode (of course, with the twist of 'what if Bart didn't live with the Simpsons) and to connect every arc into one story.
> 
> So, while every few Chapters could be seen as a short, separate story of their own, they're all part of a continuity (and therefore, each arc is a victim of the other arcs before it)
> 
> This arc is about 'No Disgrace like Home'
> 
> Which, you could've guessed yourself, I guess. A very short chapter, because most of the first act doesn't happen here and this chapter contained the entire second Act.
> 
> This was a short chapter, but There will be more next time,
> 
> Davoid out!


	12. Chapter 12

"There goes my young girl dreams of Vasser" Lisa sighed as Homer handed the money to the Secretary of the Family Therapy Center.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Marvin Monroe" The Man said, "no doubt you recognize me from TV!"

The man was fat. Fatter than Homer (but not quite as fat as The Comic Book Guy), with a Bald head, and a goofy look.

Lisa sighed, "we would if we had one!"

" _Lisa!_ " Homer snarled, almost taking a threatening step towards her.

Lisa's eyes widened in shock. Her Father had never taken that tone with her. _Never_. With Bart, yes. For things far less offending than a snarky comeback. And it wasn't like she hadn't thrown any snarky one-liners before.

"No!" thankfully, the Doctor put a stop to that before Lisa could think any further (and Homer act any further) "Don't _Stifle_ the youngster! Your family must feel free to express itself" he said as he handed everyone (including the baby) a Paddler and a Jumbo Marker. "That's what these Paddlers and Jumbo Markers are for!"

He sat on a chair in front of them, "I want you to offer me your Fears, your Anxieties, the _roots_ of your unhappiness!" he explained, "Now, take a deep, cleansing breath and begin!"

Everyone began drawing immediately.

Lisa closed her eyes.

It was obvious. Maybe she wouldn't have drawn this a couple of days ago (What with the Bart Situation and the Bully situation and the Milhouse Situation all hanging over her head) but with the TV _and_ her meagre college saving gone, the roots of her _immediate_ anxieties and Unhappiness was sitting next to her.

And, to no surprise, Mom and Maggie had about the same results.

"Hmm. I see, No surprises there."The Good Doctor murmured quietly, and then said "What about you Homer?"

Of course, her attention deficit father kept drawing, humming tunelessly as he did so. " _Homer_!" The Doctor snapped, the father of three suddenly rose his head. "Whoops! Sorry, I wasn't paying attention!"

"Well, if you _had_ been paying attention" the Doctor snapped back, "Perhaps you would've noticed that your _Family_ as a rather _stern_ authority figure!"

Noticing that none of the patients found anything wrong with that statement, he corrected himself, "And _Ogre_ if you will."

"Now, doctor, maybe you're being a bit-" "Actually it's pretty true!"

"That _Does it_ you little brat!" Homer yelled as he got off his chair, prepared to pounce (As, she could remember, he always did when Bart said stuff like this)

Apparently, this psychiatrist person didn't find anything wrong with 'hostile conflict' and 'wanting to kill each other', he just insisted that they use his patented 'Aggression therapy mallets' instead of fists (and or other objects nearby, which was left unsaid)

Needless to say, unlike what the doctor had probably expected, they were in it for a _long_ time.

* * *

"So, what happened next?" Bart asked his Sister the day after she'd told her about Homer's new idea.

"Oh. It was a very" she snickered, "Shocking experience."

"so That's how the Blackout happened."

"The Blackout?"

* * *

"Everyone comfy?" the Doctor asked the four, each sitting on a chair, wired with a panel with three buttons in front of them.

"now. Don't touch any of the buttons in front of you, for a _very_ good reason." He explained, "you are wired in to the rest of your family. What you are going through is what the Economists call 'a Non-Aggression Principle': You have the ability to Shock _them,_ but They have the ability to shock you too. For the sake of your safety, the Voltage is set to a very low degree. You may begin."

Each of the four looked at each other.

For a long time neither moved.

Then the Toddler let a sound. "ooooo" and pressed one of the buttons.

It was times like this, when Lisa thought that the people were on to something when they said She had shot Mr. Burns.

And, well.

There's a reason why Non-Aggression never works.

With the first person having been electrocuted, everyone began pressing the button.

And, of course, following the Simpson Motto of 'Never Give Up', they didn't give up.

"Doctor Monroe!" The Secretary ran to the room, "All your other patients have fled the building!"

Lisa was busy releasing all her pressure, And So were everyone else. none of them was going to stop anytime soon.

"No! No!" The Doctor began talking frantically, "Stop it this instance!" he pulled the Plug of the Device.

They began cooling down.

Maggie was still pressing the button. So, to be honest, was Mom.

"So" Dad said, looking at the Doctor, "Did we make any progress?"

"No!" the Doctor laughed frantically, "I'm sorry, you're not! Please, you've just got to Go!"

"Wait a minute, bub!" Dad said, already forgetting all about 'we need progress'.

"Your TV commercial said family bliss, or double our money back."

"Oh! But that was just-" The Doctor glanced at the four disheveled figures in front of him, "Alright. will you leave if I pay you the money?"

"Sure. Why not?"

* * *

"So the Counselor didn't do anything?" Bart asked, as they walked to the School bus.

"Nope. No progress anyway."

"Uh-huh" Bart nodded. They sat on the bus chair, and Otto said "Everyone inside? Good!"

"you got a new TV then" He said. "Yeah, Dad said we had to buy a new one. And we did. We ate out too."

"Right. and did anyone, at any time in the whole thing, care" Bart said, "To mention that we've done this five times before?"

"And we had the same result every time. I know. But you know dad." Lisa snickered, "When he gets something in his mind, you can't get him off it. you have to let it pass by itself."

Bart snickered, and the two began laughing, and didn't stop until it was Lisa's Stop.

* * *

Of course, Like almost every other thing they did, Lisa wrote it in her diary, Marge put the mementos away, and Homer forgot all about it by the end of the next day.

Of course Maggie didn't. she never forgot anything.

But what's different, they almost never ate dinner in front of the TV again.

Which was better than nothing, I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N:
> 
> This is the end of this arc.
> 
> Yes.
> 
> It was awfully short.
> 
> The next will be longer, I hope (and won't take as long as this one did, lol)
> 
> Davoid Out!


End file.
